I used to think it was pointless to dream. Seriously. My mindset was ‘why even bother?’ We had no money, we worked our arses off just to get by! I couldn’t see a way where I could have a beautiful home. I should just be grateful. No point in dreaming we aren’t ever going to get it. Well that was what I was told. And that is what stayed in my head for a very long time.
I will take you back a step. A time in my life where I realised that HOME was more than just the place to sleep and eat your meals. I had the most beautiful family (still do but just talking in past tense so you get my drift growing up). Loads of love, encouragement, support, all of it unconditional. Our home was modest and my parents the most humble amazing people in my eyes. Home for me then was being together. My brother and I having our animals, me riding horses, doing dance and netball and on most winter days coming home to an open fire. I would lay near that thing for as long as I could. I was drawn it. Always. But that is where we congregated, my beaut family and I. That was where I felt safe, comfortable, loved and embraced to be who I was. I could truly be me. That was when I was a kid. That was all I needed. Then as I grew up and my passions became strong and I was finding myself, I yearned for a different kind of home. Nice things, beautiful things, things that made me me. I wanted a nice bedroom with horse prints and a beautiful bedspread. I wanted Mum and Dad to have a nice sofa and a gorgeous kitchen and to have something amazing. I am not sure at what age but I know it was when I would spend hours at my friends house looking through her Mum’s House and Garden and Home Beautiful magazines and making mental notes about what I liked and didn’t like and wanting so badly to be an adult and get my own house and design it. My eyes devoured each page, mag after mag. Dreams were forming. When my teenage friends were buying clothes, I was buying a rug and a candelabra. I was collecting what my mum called a ‘Glory Box’. Adulthood, come at me!!
You know how it is though. As you get to adulthood you soon realise that dreams aren’t handed to you. You have to work hard to have what you have. My dreaming became reserved. My yearning took a back seat. Passion? I lost that for a while. I lived to exist instead. Every now and then the prospect to go travel or decorate would ignite something in my belly… but when reality sat me back in my chair, I started to feel like this is my life and it’s time to be content with what I have because it is safe…and it is what I know right? I am healthy, I have a partner, I have a great family, great friends, I have my horses still… life is good! It WAS good!
But do dreams really peter out? Do you really think that you can put out the embers of the fire that is within you? Those feelings of finding and being the real you, do you really think they just go away? HELL NO!! Guess what? They come back and there comes a time when you cannot ignore them anymore! I grew up eventually and realised that I am me and it is time that the real me starts living! I was trying to be someone in a place that did not work for me. It was time for me to get out of my comfort zone and start listening to my heart and my head because those little persistent bloody pangs of want for more were not going away. So I did! I jumped and studied design. I got work as a designer and colour consultant. I was starting to feel my power with deciding that I can actually make my dream become a reality. Shit, I wasn’t just buying some pretty cushions for myself, I was ACTUALLY doing it as my JOB!! I was able to help other peoples’ dreams become a reality. I AM able to explore deeply into someone’s being and find their true self and style so that they too can feel content and real and authentic. I KNOW the importance to be able to have goals and dreams and ALLOW ourselves to follow them. To not give them up for anybody!
No more feeling guilty for wanting beautiful things surrounding you, lovely lady. We are born in a country with rights and to be grateful is wonderful and humble. But we are not Monks, we are not Nuns! We are one person with one life that is living to its fullest, with love to give. It is more than OK to create a beautiful sanctuary, not only for our family but for ourselves so that we can be the best version of ourselves and live life free from fear, happy and complete. It’s not just about trends and high priced designer furniture to beat the Smiths down the road. It’s about home. What it is to you. How it makes us feel and how it brings our lot together. If you are like me and LOVE beautiful things around you to support that, then bring that shit on honey. You don’t need approval. Make your moves, own your style and let go of expectations. Back yourself.
Your Dreams. Your life. Your happiness. Keep the flames alive. They warm your soul.
Shonah B xx